We Own The Night

    Disclaimer: Due to the nature of this subject matter specific names are changed as well as locations for their protection. Certain details have also purposefully been left out. This article is for academic study only. All laws state and federal must be obeyed or you will be held responsible.

     Dry heat be damned! I was having one of the best weekends ever. Earlier over in Arizona I'd trained police for about 8 departments but now it was time for me to have some fun as well. Not that training those guys isn't fun but I spend alot of my time training others and sometimes when you do that so much you don't get to play anymore. This week I'm getting to play. Staying in a nice compound on the beach doing some classic training. Alot of fun classical japanese weapons like kyoketsu shoge and variants like a Nitsubo and a simple knife on a rope. Also covered machete fighting, tantojutsu, iaido, knife throwing, blowguns,poisons from plants, poison water guns, and others. I was a history buff and it had been years since I had gotten to do any Ninjutsu. All those things are great but now was the time for the real fun to start. Over the next 2 nights there would be mock assassination missions. In real Ninjutsu knowing weapons are great but your just fighting with weapons. The real Ninjutsu was about the stealth and the time for that is now. since I didn't know the area I'd be partnered up with Terry tonight. The mission was to take out two people with a blowgun from the other side of the fence. The master would become the guard in the simulation and try to catch us. We had less than two hours to complete the mission. The first thing was to get the blowguns ready. They would need to be wrapped with paracord because they weren't indexed. So what does indexing mean? It means the same thing as it means for some knife handles so when you grab it quickly you always know which side the blade is on. You see most long range blowguns are not perfectly straight and you want it slightly bent upwards not down so your dart doesn't go in the dirt.When you wrap it with cord you make sure the knots are on top so when you grab it in the dark you know which side is up. You also tie a little bit at the opening so you don't blow in the wrong end. That way even when you can't see your still aiming fairly correct.
    Next was suiting up. I went two tone with green and tan. The balaclava was green as well as a boonie hat. I often get asked about balaclava vs face paint and here is the deal. Face paint is better for breathing and helps obscure facial features in light. However it does nothing for shadows. The second thing is you can't take face paint off at a moments notice to blend in with people then put it right back on. The balaclava can obscure the nose  on a shadow. The boonie hat takes the place of the old rice hats to obscure the shape of the human head. When no one is around or your hidden well you can pull that little bit of the balaclava down for easier breathing then put it right back when you need to. Face paint does not offer this versatility.
    We also took a  Jo with us as well since there were reports of loose dogs in the area, however the primary use for the Jo staff would be for aiding in balance in certain situations to enhance stealth properties. We got the route we were supposed to take and headed out the driveway. The last thing the Master said was to expect the unexpected tonight. Right away we took that as maybe we won't do what is expected either.  We headed out the driveway and dipped down outside the wooden fence. The exercise had started. Immediately we noticed the grass was extremely dry on the ground which would make quiet movement damn near impossible so we would have to move slow and use the surrounding noises to blend in as well as other things like trains coming through all the time. That would give us a chance to move much faster. No sooner had we made it to the corner of the fence a guard came through on a golf cart on patrol. There was some foliage on the corner that we could blend with as long as we didn't move. I felt the light but they didn't see us. I was careful not to look into the light to save my night vision. Once they had passed through we began to move again staying close to the foliage and using its shadows for cover. We made it to somewhat of an open area but there was no one to be seen and there were no houses close by. A train was coming through and we used that as a chance to move faster. We could hear the noises but we were further from the train which was close to the homes so we knew they couldn't hear a thing. We started using a leap frog technique to cover ground so one of us could look out for the other. This is not the same as the kid's game. This means one moves up 20 feet and the other moves up 30 while the other looks out. Then we move up 20 feet each time. We made it to a small clearing between some very large bushes and trees and stopped to figure out where to go next and touch base with each other. As I mentioned the area was a little open but there was foliage nearby to use but we kept our bodies low just in case.
     We were both squatted down when I picked it up on my peripheral vision to my right. The damn guards were coming through again on that golf cart. I think Terry was caught more off guard he was in a more exposed area we had met back up to plan the rest of the route but that would have to wait they were headed straight for us. I rolled to my right into some weeds and foliage I was going to have to be extra quiet the grass under me was very dry and no open spots either so any movement would make a noise. Terry rolled back he was exposed but would be fine depending on how close they got ans where they looked it was going to be close. I kept my head down as they passed to my left to keep the headlights from destroying my night vision. When they passed for a moment I thought they'd keep going but they stopped to the left behind another tree and some thick brush. I never looked up and tried to keep my mind clear but I could hear them when they got out and started talking and I thought I felt the heat of a flashlight. It was intense I had to keep my mind clear. If you think your going to get caught then you probably will you have to let your mind go blank and become part of your surroundings. It was a nerve racking struggle to keep my mind on point but I was determined. Due to the terrain I'd landed with my arm in a weird position and it was starting to hurt but I just had to deal with it. It seemed like they were over there forever then I finally heard them get back in and turn the golf cart on. as it moved it gave me a chance to move my arm but then they stopped again. This time in from of me I could feel the headlights on my forward and I could feel the vibrations on the ground as they got back out. I couldn't tell what they were doing as I lay there. I'd later find out in the debriefing that one actually got out to take piss and came very close to pissing on us. I couldn't tell but Terry heard it. This whole thing  went on for 20 minutes before they finally got in the cart and left to check somewhere else. In retrospect I felt really good about the fact they got that close to us walking all around us but we managed to stay hidden. Maybe I wasn't as rusty as I thought but there was no time for that now there was a mission to complete.
    With having to be allusive it really changed our planning we felt like we were going to have to make a wider circle with our route to keep from getting  caught. We had to focus on being silent and I began to use the Jo a little when working downhill as well as moving foliage out of the way. Just ahead when we where crossing through some thick brush Terry took a limb to the eye but it wasn't too bad we only had to stop for a moment. I kept my head a little lower and used to Jo in front of my face longways to keep brush out of my face even the brush I couldn't see.. The plan was to cross the field headed towards to railroad tracks. We felt like it was far enough away that we could get through on the outskirts while the guards looked for us more inward. To get past the time limit we'd have to cut the route in half and call an audible. The hiding in the brush for 20 minutes  and having to hold position really through us off and held us up. It was also possible the targets were going to be moved which would be problematic for us and force us to take higher risks to find them. Terry planned a great route I had to rely on him alot he'd done more of these things than I had plus he knew this area and I'd never been here before. He knew his stuff and it's important to have a team member you can trust. We started to make it across this field covered with sage brush. We started to do the leap frog technique again and I was following. There was a house in the distance and dogs started to bark loudly. Luckily they weren't loose. Now we were both armed with a Jo each and I will tell you that the weak point on dogs are the front legs. You pop those front legs and it hurts them but it does not injure them. We could do that but then the yelping might actually bring the owners out if the sound of the train didn't cover it up so that was one obstacle we didn't have to worry about here and I was glad of it. There were trains coming through this time off night and we could use that as an opportunity to move faster. There was also a road however that ran parallel to the tracks so we would have to be careful about being noticed by cars. Since my pants blended with the dirt and my shirt was the same color as the sagebrush when a car would come close I'd drop and mimic the shape of the brush it seemed to work well. Now it was the matter of those dogs barking and those people being awake. Frankly in modern times depending on where you are and what the situation is dogs barking isn't that big of a deal. In a compound where everyone has dogs people get used to hearing them bark at pretty much everything and don't pay it much attention. They could be barking at other dogs or the cars on the road. The area was heavily populated with coyotes as well so it was very common for them to bark about that. The important point here is that the porch lights were on.
     You see knowing that the porch lights were on meant even if the people were actually awake and looked out there windows. Even if they walked out on the porch they had night blindness and couldn't see 10 feet past that porch and we were a good quarter mile out. Even if they cut those lights off it would take a moment for their eyes to adjust and we'd be alerted in the mean time and be able to hide. We could move fairly quickly that far out and when the trains came by we could move even faster and did so effectively. I motioned to Terry to wait up for a moment I had an idea I wanted to run by him. When we got to the road we were going to come out of the balaclavas and just blend in as normal people walking down the road since we were still a decent ways away from the target being recognized wasn't a concern. What we were wearing did blend in with the environment but it was more solid colors not camo so it wasn't  exactly on the nose. Plus alot of these people were former military and wore alot of camo anyway so it just wouldn't seem odd. Something seemed a little off to me about it though it wasn't quite right. I didn't want to wait until we got to the main road to come out of the masks. No one could see us in that field it didn't matter if we had the masks on or not. But if we waited until the road and someone who didn't have night blindness looked out their windows and seen two guys coming out of a field and removing masks we were going to have some huge problems. A house in the compound had been vandalized the night before and some property was allegedly stolen. Some believed this had been committed by illegal aliens. Now I don't know if anything was stolen or not and I don't know if it was by illegals but their paranoia could be a problem for us because even if it wasn't true they believed that it was so it was a problem if we were perceived as such. I do know that we were in the right area for it. We weren't right on the Mexican border but we weren't that far from it either and we were in a secluded area which would be a great hiding place for them. You see those that don't know any better would be more worried about towns with border entry points but that isn't always the case. Border entry towns have alot of federal presence and when illegals cross the border they want to get as far away from that town as they can quickly. I wouldn't worry about a border town as much as I would another town maybe 80 to 100 miles north of that border. I believe we were within that area if not a little closer. Of course if we saw these guys while on the mission we would have taken them out and alerted ICE. No illegals or coyotes on this mission only the paranoia of the residents and I don't want any of them seeing us as suspicious a night after a break in.So the decision was made to come out of the suspicious clothes right then and walk out normally.
    Some may think it odd that being seen out in the open like that willingly is a part of stealth but it can be a very big part. Sometimes it's ok for your body to be seen as long as your intent is invisible. I learned that from a young age in high school. When kids would decide to skip class and hide they almost always got caught. When I skipped class I walked straight down the middle of the hall and waved to teachers and spoke with them during it. I never got caught. Use the fact that people over think things against  them. You see if a kid is skipping class they expect to see a kid trying to skip class. Someone alluding and trying to hide or whatever. Those teachers could see me but they couldn't see what they were looking for so in that aspect I was invisible. You see sometimes the best way to hide from someone is to stand on their eyelashes. That's an old Koga Ryu saying. It means your so close they can't see you. So no matter if I'm a kid skipping class on on this mission about to step out on this road I'm invisible. Even though the residents could see me plain as day I blended in with what they consider normal and expect to see. I just did it on a mental and psychological level as opposed to a physical level and both are valid. Stealth takes many forms so be leery about the people you let get close to you in your life. So as we walked down the middle of the road splitting that route and gaining time we made sure and walk beside each other because walking far apart would look weird and everything went smoothly. As we got closer to the target we looked around for the guards but they were somewhere else so we stepped off the road and went back into the shadows as we approached the building. there was a high wooden gate around the area where the targets were supposed to be located . We crouched down though because all the lights were off and we could be seen out windows and I didn't feel like walking into a trap. Terry was moving faster than me and got a look through a hole in the wooden gate. We then stepped back to an angle that was out of the line of sight to talk for a moment.
     He couldn't tell if the guards were there or not and it appeared one of the targets had been moved. The plan was now that we would move towards the back away from the targets and leap the gate to work my way down the side of the building and wait. Terry would locate the other target and cause a commotion as he neutralized the other target to draw the guards to him. Of course he would be gone when they got there but it would draw them away my my location and leave the target unguarded for me to finish. Using the blowguns to take them out was a no go I was going to have to strangle this one instead with a choke cord. We made a quick circle around the area but didn't see the other target but we were running out of time. We were just going to have to wing it. Terry gave me a boost and I was up and over that gate. Honestly in the confusion I didn't know if he was coming with me or going after the other target he said something over the gate but I couldn't pick it up and saw him heading down the other side of the gate outside it. I made my way to that corner slowly while looking at the gate with my peripheral vision Terry was still out there. I took a peek around that corner and I could see where the guards were supposed to be but they were gone and both targets were there it was basically a free shot. Then I saw them they were sky lined coming back from the beach now I really had to go. I snuck up behind the target on the right and used the Jo to stun the one on the left and knock him over to draw the right target's vision towards him then quickly strangled the right target with the cord from the blow gun. Now this happened very quickly I moved to the one stunned on the left to finish him off and Terry approached to my right and quickly finished strangling the other one.
     We could've easily dipped out the back and been gone into the night but the exercise was over and we were successful. I sat one of the wooden dummies back up but Terry thought we should leave them down so the Sensei would know how we did it. When the Sensei got to the driveway from the beach we were sitting in the their chairs waiting for them. They were proud that we adapted and overcame the setbacks but were a little bummed we had to change the route on the fly to do it as if we'd kind of cheated a little. I honestly don't see it that way at all. You see they were on the beach waiting for us to come up the other side because that was the original route. Here's the thing. They were playing the guards that we had to allude and those guards would not have known the route we were taking ahead of time anyway so what is up with that? They never should have been on the beach in the first place. So I'd say they got what they had coming. Of course this ribbing was all good natured and respectful  there was no real argument or anything the mission was a success and everyone was happy now it was all about drinking beer before bed. And why not? After all...We own the night.
   

Songs From A Forgotten Highway

Somewhere in the Night

I walk through streets at night
Until I get outside my mind
Out of breath I never felt so blind
Trapped inside a life
I never wanted for myself
Scared to death I'm running out of time

When it rains and falls down all around you
Do you feel as lonely as I do

Finding  Cinderella is not so easy these days
When the shoe don't fit  
And you don't know where to go
I come home late at night
These same four walls condemn me
The thought of you still gives me hope


It keeps me hangin onto something I can't see
When my life turns and walks away without me


When I close my eyes 
Your still faceless and at other times
Just another same old disguise
Had too many days like these
I pray for the day
I touch your face with my open eyes

So when it rains let each drop remind you
I'll be searchin' til the moment that I find you

Somewhere in the night




A Simple Act of Kindness

I never used to talk until I started drinkin'
When I drank I talk too much
Spent half my life searching for a reason
To throw away that crutch
I bet you didn't know we talk about things
That I don't tell anyone else
It's as though through loving you
I found a way to love myself
So I sat down and wrote this for you
Just everyone could see
Why the most beautiful girl in town
Is more than beautiful to me
Because I used to look into the mirror you know
And I never liked what I'd see
Until the woman in you
Made me the man I wanted to be

Accidents Will Happen

If you could only read my mind
I'd hope this movie ends just right
Like all those drugstore novels seem to do

Fallen deep within myself
Searching for the fontanelle
I've seen too many things I could not tell you

In visions without alibis
I see you in velvet skies
In shapeless forms some moving some just there

In through out doors in my head
Mother nature wets the bed
Sometimes I wonder just how we got this far

Underneath the surface
Yesterday's emotions
Hover like ghosts behind my eyes

The picture is out of focus
Does anybody ever really notice
All the things we see but never realize

It's 4:30 in the morning
Downtown wide awake
Accidents will happen don't tell me it's too late

Intersections

In the morning I fall out of myself
I keep my head in a jar on the shelf
Skeleton hand bottle of gin
I don't feel right unless I'm out of my skin
Run to stand still at the same old stair
Reaching out for something that isn't there

I fall down I bruise too much
Give it all away and lose too much
Thieves are in this temple again
Emptiness is a creeping assassin
Cut yourself in the madding crowd
Don't ever let them hear you cry out loud

I feel it on my fingers it's just out of reach
I slowly feel the noose tighten round each
Outside my door is a hostile witness
They think it's not their fault if it's none of their business
Some people live while others pretend
I get so tired of only breathing in

All throughout these strangest days
In crowded intersections I walk lost highways 


Shallow Water

Why are you so negative does he spend all his time with his friends?
When he lied to your face did you just go along and pretend?

Do you lie awake at night reaching out for a love that's nothing but a ghost?
I heard he let you down I heard he left you when you needed him most

You ask who I am as I tell you these things that I do
I'm every man you stepped on just to get to the one that stepped on you

You could've been my everything or his nothing at all
When you walk through shallow water hey laugh when you fall

Your day's gonna come just like they always do
When you cry over me the way I cried over you 




Wrapped In You

Didn't I really try to make it happen?
Everybody knows that life ain't fair
If I'm the man you need then I'm not the one you want
No matter what I do you just don't see me there

Today I saw you at the station
I would've cried but I got nothing left
If all I think about is you loving somebody
Then I'm no good for anybody else

You'll move on and you'll forget about me
Me I hope that I can do the same
Someday in the month of may we'll pass on the street
I'll pretend I don't remember your name


I can't go on this way I'm dying on this road
I'm not angry but I'm letting go
You just don't want me there's nothing I can do
Who's gonna love me if I'm all wrapped up in you


New

Lately i've felt so out of touch
Twilight is gone my eyes are burning
I don't sleep cuz I think too much
All I know is that my feet are hurting

In my bed tossing and turning
Like a child restless but learning
Don't look back to me as your climbing
Today is the day I'm through with rewinding

Lately I've been thinkin about tomorrow
Everything that i've been living for
When your dreams become bigger than your memories
Yesterday don't matter anymore

As I stood inside the light of what I know as true
All the monsters in my life were nothing more than the avenue
Yesterday I was old
Today I never felt so new
 
   


    
 
 

Stranded

    It's quiet in this small town and though I dream of bigger things I always come back to the same point. Some people just don't know how to appreciate silence. There's many nights that I don't sleep at all I have so much in my head in any given time that I can't relax enough to sleep. This silence is golden to me it gives me the chance to let mind my go and free it from the clutter and ask all the questions of myself that I need to answer. Some people think people like me hide from society as a form of escapism. I think it's the other way around. Some people have to always party and have people around them. They are always talking about the weekend and what bar they are going to hang out at and post pictures on the internet to show everyone how cool they are and how happy they probably wish they could be. I see through them they don't fool me. They use to company of others to distract themselves so they don't have to deal with themselves. I'm not the one trying to escape. I've never been one for delusions. I tend to prefer reality because you can't change your reality  by living in a fantasy. Your not a billionaire rap star hitting the parties getting ready to fire up the Benz. People should stop trying to act that way because unless they do they'll always be a pretender because their energies are spent in the wrong places.
   The other day a female friend of mine asked me why I don't date more. She said I was a very loving person and had alot to give that it was a shame I didn't try harder than I do. This same friend tends to only date rich guys that don't really need her so she's always single. She asked me didn't I miss the affection and at least the hugging,kissing,cuddling etc. Well of course I do. I've been this way for so long I don't know how to be anything else. Last year I was dating a hot 22 year old for about 3 months and 2 of them were pretty good. She was nice enough but we had nothing in common.I actually met her on the internet. Too many things just didn't add up. She loved politics and I hate politics. She belonged to a party and I actually enjoy having my own thoughts. She talked about far off places that she'd never been too becoming cesspools. I'd actually been to those places and she argued with me about them anyway. She bashed minorities yet she grew up in an all white town that didn't have any minorities so she didn't really know anything about them. I thought since I was older I could convince her of some things and she'd come around. I tried changing the subject to other things but it was pointless. Towards the end I'd take her home early and go get drunk just thinking to myself I can't believe I shaved my balls for this bitch. You know they say that hair grows back thicker when you shave it. Now the next time I go to dick some girl she'll look down between her legs and see an elephant disguised as ZZ Top. Shortly after that I dated another girl that wanted me to join some cult church where people smoked weed and drank all the time. Hell I could do that at home.
   I wish I could explain to her how frustrating dating is for me. It's really just an endless circle of bullshit isn't it? All I ever here from women is how guys suck and there's no good guys left anymore. Maybe one day they'll see they are the ones with all the power to change that. Women don't date good guys because they don't really look for good guys. It's all about self esteem. You look at these guys that treat women like shit and they'll never be without a date. There will always be some girl with self esteem issues that'll date that guy because she believes that if she can change him that it will improve her own self worth. She can't date a man who's good to her because that won't help her prove anything to herself. Those guys treat those girls like shit because those girls allow it. If every woman in the world stopped putting up with that shit then men would change. But it's easier to blame someone else instead of looking in the mirror.  For every guy that treats them like shit that they fall all over themselves to get to there's a guy like me alone wishing he wasn't invisible. Wishing he could be your knight in shining armor but they'll never see it. If I'm invisible then why should I try? Do I become the thing I hate to keep from being alone and play the same bullshit game with the rest of the world? I choose instead to be myself....alone.
   I think Charles Bukowski said it best when he said," I don't hate people I just like it better when they are somewhere else." Maybe he didn't say it exactly that way but it was something like that. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be alone sometimes. I'm not really angry or depressed. It can be a very comforting thing. I do have friends and I do go out at times. I just hate being in crowded places. I was a bouncer when I was younger and frankly a bar full of drunk people usually didn't make it a full night without drama. I hate drama it's definitely not quiet. I have my own bullshit to deal with I don't need it from someone else over something stupid. I remember years ago I had a crush on a stripper in a club I worked in. She was this gorgeous Italian girl. She invited me to come to a dance club one night after work and even though I don't dance I went anyway because I thought I'd get to spend some time with her. She showed up late with some guy and I was stuck at the bar drunk. I was in a club with over a thousand people and might as well have been on a raft in the middle of the ocean. It would've been the same either way. On nights like this I love to write as well with no interruptions. Thinking about these things reminds of a chorus to a song I wrote years ago. It went something like,"All throughout these strangest of days in crowded intersections I walk lost highways." I couldn't sum it up any better than that.
  Sometimes I still feel like I'm on that raft in the middle of the ocean but tonight I'm on an island. I know that sea is still raging and will continue to rage. Tomorrow I'll ride the waves and fight the monsters but tonight there's a calmness here. There's a calmness and quiet in my mind if only for a little while. Some will never understand me and that's ok. Some may think my writings don't make any sense and that's ok too at the end when all the brush strokes are done maybe they'll get the big picture. Tonight however I'm happy. Tonight I'll sleep.