We Own The Night

    Disclaimer: Due to the nature of this subject matter specific names are changed as well as locations for their protection. Certain details have also purposefully been left out. This article is for academic study only. All laws state and federal must be obeyed or you will be held responsible.

     Dry heat be damned! I was having one of the best weekends ever. Earlier over in Arizona I'd trained police for about 8 departments but now it was time for me to have some fun as well. Not that training those guys isn't fun but I spend alot of my time training others and sometimes when you do that so much you don't get to play anymore. This week I'm getting to play. Staying in a nice compound on the beach doing some classic training. Alot of fun classical japanese weapons like kyoketsu shoge and variants like a Nitsubo and a simple knife on a rope. Also covered machete fighting, tantojutsu, iaido, knife throwing, blowguns,poisons from plants, poison water guns, and others. I was a history buff and it had been years since I had gotten to do any Ninjutsu. All those things are great but now was the time for the real fun to start. Over the next 2 nights there would be mock assassination missions. In real Ninjutsu knowing weapons are great but your just fighting with weapons. The real Ninjutsu was about the stealth and the time for that is now. since I didn't know the area I'd be partnered up with Terry tonight. The mission was to take out two people with a blowgun from the other side of the fence. The master would become the guard in the simulation and try to catch us. We had less than two hours to complete the mission. The first thing was to get the blowguns ready. They would need to be wrapped with paracord because they weren't indexed. So what does indexing mean? It means the same thing as it means for some knife handles so when you grab it quickly you always know which side the blade is on. You see most long range blowguns are not perfectly straight and you want it slightly bent upwards not down so your dart doesn't go in the dirt.When you wrap it with cord you make sure the knots are on top so when you grab it in the dark you know which side is up. You also tie a little bit at the opening so you don't blow in the wrong end. That way even when you can't see your still aiming fairly correct.
    Next was suiting up. I went two tone with green and tan. The balaclava was green as well as a boonie hat. I often get asked about balaclava vs face paint and here is the deal. Face paint is better for breathing and helps obscure facial features in light. However it does nothing for shadows. The second thing is you can't take face paint off at a moments notice to blend in with people then put it right back on. The balaclava can obscure the nose  on a shadow. The boonie hat takes the place of the old rice hats to obscure the shape of the human head. When no one is around or your hidden well you can pull that little bit of the balaclava down for easier breathing then put it right back when you need to. Face paint does not offer this versatility.
    We also took a  Jo with us as well since there were reports of loose dogs in the area, however the primary use for the Jo staff would be for aiding in balance in certain situations to enhance stealth properties. We got the route we were supposed to take and headed out the driveway. The last thing the Master said was to expect the unexpected tonight. Right away we took that as maybe we won't do what is expected either.  We headed out the driveway and dipped down outside the wooden fence. The exercise had started. Immediately we noticed the grass was extremely dry on the ground which would make quiet movement damn near impossible so we would have to move slow and use the surrounding noises to blend in as well as other things like trains coming through all the time. That would give us a chance to move much faster. No sooner had we made it to the corner of the fence a guard came through on a golf cart on patrol. There was some foliage on the corner that we could blend with as long as we didn't move. I felt the light but they didn't see us. I was careful not to look into the light to save my night vision. Once they had passed through we began to move again staying close to the foliage and using its shadows for cover. We made it to somewhat of an open area but there was no one to be seen and there were no houses close by. A train was coming through and we used that as a chance to move faster. We could hear the noises but we were further from the train which was close to the homes so we knew they couldn't hear a thing. We started using a leap frog technique to cover ground so one of us could look out for the other. This is not the same as the kid's game. This means one moves up 20 feet and the other moves up 30 while the other looks out. Then we move up 20 feet each time. We made it to a small clearing between some very large bushes and trees and stopped to figure out where to go next and touch base with each other. As I mentioned the area was a little open but there was foliage nearby to use but we kept our bodies low just in case.
     We were both squatted down when I picked it up on my peripheral vision to my right. The damn guards were coming through again on that golf cart. I think Terry was caught more off guard he was in a more exposed area we had met back up to plan the rest of the route but that would have to wait they were headed straight for us. I rolled to my right into some weeds and foliage I was going to have to be extra quiet the grass under me was very dry and no open spots either so any movement would make a noise. Terry rolled back he was exposed but would be fine depending on how close they got ans where they looked it was going to be close. I kept my head down as they passed to my left to keep the headlights from destroying my night vision. When they passed for a moment I thought they'd keep going but they stopped to the left behind another tree and some thick brush. I never looked up and tried to keep my mind clear but I could hear them when they got out and started talking and I thought I felt the heat of a flashlight. It was intense I had to keep my mind clear. If you think your going to get caught then you probably will you have to let your mind go blank and become part of your surroundings. It was a nerve racking struggle to keep my mind on point but I was determined. Due to the terrain I'd landed with my arm in a weird position and it was starting to hurt but I just had to deal with it. It seemed like they were over there forever then I finally heard them get back in and turn the golf cart on. as it moved it gave me a chance to move my arm but then they stopped again. This time in from of me I could feel the headlights on my forward and I could feel the vibrations on the ground as they got back out. I couldn't tell what they were doing as I lay there. I'd later find out in the debriefing that one actually got out to take piss and came very close to pissing on us. I couldn't tell but Terry heard it. This whole thing  went on for 20 minutes before they finally got in the cart and left to check somewhere else. In retrospect I felt really good about the fact they got that close to us walking all around us but we managed to stay hidden. Maybe I wasn't as rusty as I thought but there was no time for that now there was a mission to complete.
    With having to be allusive it really changed our planning we felt like we were going to have to make a wider circle with our route to keep from getting  caught. We had to focus on being silent and I began to use the Jo a little when working downhill as well as moving foliage out of the way. Just ahead when we where crossing through some thick brush Terry took a limb to the eye but it wasn't too bad we only had to stop for a moment. I kept my head a little lower and used to Jo in front of my face longways to keep brush out of my face even the brush I couldn't see.. The plan was to cross the field headed towards to railroad tracks. We felt like it was far enough away that we could get through on the outskirts while the guards looked for us more inward. To get past the time limit we'd have to cut the route in half and call an audible. The hiding in the brush for 20 minutes  and having to hold position really through us off and held us up. It was also possible the targets were going to be moved which would be problematic for us and force us to take higher risks to find them. Terry planned a great route I had to rely on him alot he'd done more of these things than I had plus he knew this area and I'd never been here before. He knew his stuff and it's important to have a team member you can trust. We started to make it across this field covered with sage brush. We started to do the leap frog technique again and I was following. There was a house in the distance and dogs started to bark loudly. Luckily they weren't loose. Now we were both armed with a Jo each and I will tell you that the weak point on dogs are the front legs. You pop those front legs and it hurts them but it does not injure them. We could do that but then the yelping might actually bring the owners out if the sound of the train didn't cover it up so that was one obstacle we didn't have to worry about here and I was glad of it. There were trains coming through this time off night and we could use that as an opportunity to move faster. There was also a road however that ran parallel to the tracks so we would have to be careful about being noticed by cars. Since my pants blended with the dirt and my shirt was the same color as the sagebrush when a car would come close I'd drop and mimic the shape of the brush it seemed to work well. Now it was the matter of those dogs barking and those people being awake. Frankly in modern times depending on where you are and what the situation is dogs barking isn't that big of a deal. In a compound where everyone has dogs people get used to hearing them bark at pretty much everything and don't pay it much attention. They could be barking at other dogs or the cars on the road. The area was heavily populated with coyotes as well so it was very common for them to bark about that. The important point here is that the porch lights were on.
     You see knowing that the porch lights were on meant even if the people were actually awake and looked out there windows. Even if they walked out on the porch they had night blindness and couldn't see 10 feet past that porch and we were a good quarter mile out. Even if they cut those lights off it would take a moment for their eyes to adjust and we'd be alerted in the mean time and be able to hide. We could move fairly quickly that far out and when the trains came by we could move even faster and did so effectively. I motioned to Terry to wait up for a moment I had an idea I wanted to run by him. When we got to the road we were going to come out of the balaclavas and just blend in as normal people walking down the road since we were still a decent ways away from the target being recognized wasn't a concern. What we were wearing did blend in with the environment but it was more solid colors not camo so it wasn't  exactly on the nose. Plus alot of these people were former military and wore alot of camo anyway so it just wouldn't seem odd. Something seemed a little off to me about it though it wasn't quite right. I didn't want to wait until we got to the main road to come out of the masks. No one could see us in that field it didn't matter if we had the masks on or not. But if we waited until the road and someone who didn't have night blindness looked out their windows and seen two guys coming out of a field and removing masks we were going to have some huge problems. A house in the compound had been vandalized the night before and some property was allegedly stolen. Some believed this had been committed by illegal aliens. Now I don't know if anything was stolen or not and I don't know if it was by illegals but their paranoia could be a problem for us because even if it wasn't true they believed that it was so it was a problem if we were perceived as such. I do know that we were in the right area for it. We weren't right on the Mexican border but we weren't that far from it either and we were in a secluded area which would be a great hiding place for them. You see those that don't know any better would be more worried about towns with border entry points but that isn't always the case. Border entry towns have alot of federal presence and when illegals cross the border they want to get as far away from that town as they can quickly. I wouldn't worry about a border town as much as I would another town maybe 80 to 100 miles north of that border. I believe we were within that area if not a little closer. Of course if we saw these guys while on the mission we would have taken them out and alerted ICE. No illegals or coyotes on this mission only the paranoia of the residents and I don't want any of them seeing us as suspicious a night after a break in.So the decision was made to come out of the suspicious clothes right then and walk out normally.
    Some may think it odd that being seen out in the open like that willingly is a part of stealth but it can be a very big part. Sometimes it's ok for your body to be seen as long as your intent is invisible. I learned that from a young age in high school. When kids would decide to skip class and hide they almost always got caught. When I skipped class I walked straight down the middle of the hall and waved to teachers and spoke with them during it. I never got caught. Use the fact that people over think things against  them. You see if a kid is skipping class they expect to see a kid trying to skip class. Someone alluding and trying to hide or whatever. Those teachers could see me but they couldn't see what they were looking for so in that aspect I was invisible. You see sometimes the best way to hide from someone is to stand on their eyelashes. That's an old Koga Ryu saying. It means your so close they can't see you. So no matter if I'm a kid skipping class on on this mission about to step out on this road I'm invisible. Even though the residents could see me plain as day I blended in with what they consider normal and expect to see. I just did it on a mental and psychological level as opposed to a physical level and both are valid. Stealth takes many forms so be leery about the people you let get close to you in your life. So as we walked down the middle of the road splitting that route and gaining time we made sure and walk beside each other because walking far apart would look weird and everything went smoothly. As we got closer to the target we looked around for the guards but they were somewhere else so we stepped off the road and went back into the shadows as we approached the building. there was a high wooden gate around the area where the targets were supposed to be located . We crouched down though because all the lights were off and we could be seen out windows and I didn't feel like walking into a trap. Terry was moving faster than me and got a look through a hole in the wooden gate. We then stepped back to an angle that was out of the line of sight to talk for a moment.
     He couldn't tell if the guards were there or not and it appeared one of the targets had been moved. The plan was now that we would move towards the back away from the targets and leap the gate to work my way down the side of the building and wait. Terry would locate the other target and cause a commotion as he neutralized the other target to draw the guards to him. Of course he would be gone when they got there but it would draw them away my my location and leave the target unguarded for me to finish. Using the blowguns to take them out was a no go I was going to have to strangle this one instead with a choke cord. We made a quick circle around the area but didn't see the other target but we were running out of time. We were just going to have to wing it. Terry gave me a boost and I was up and over that gate. Honestly in the confusion I didn't know if he was coming with me or going after the other target he said something over the gate but I couldn't pick it up and saw him heading down the other side of the gate outside it. I made my way to that corner slowly while looking at the gate with my peripheral vision Terry was still out there. I took a peek around that corner and I could see where the guards were supposed to be but they were gone and both targets were there it was basically a free shot. Then I saw them they were sky lined coming back from the beach now I really had to go. I snuck up behind the target on the right and used the Jo to stun the one on the left and knock him over to draw the right target's vision towards him then quickly strangled the right target with the cord from the blow gun. Now this happened very quickly I moved to the one stunned on the left to finish him off and Terry approached to my right and quickly finished strangling the other one.
     We could've easily dipped out the back and been gone into the night but the exercise was over and we were successful. I sat one of the wooden dummies back up but Terry thought we should leave them down so the Sensei would know how we did it. When the Sensei got to the driveway from the beach we were sitting in the their chairs waiting for them. They were proud that we adapted and overcame the setbacks but were a little bummed we had to change the route on the fly to do it as if we'd kind of cheated a little. I honestly don't see it that way at all. You see they were on the beach waiting for us to come up the other side because that was the original route. Here's the thing. They were playing the guards that we had to allude and those guards would not have known the route we were taking ahead of time anyway so what is up with that? They never should have been on the beach in the first place. So I'd say they got what they had coming. Of course this ribbing was all good natured and respectful  there was no real argument or anything the mission was a success and everyone was happy now it was all about drinking beer before bed. And why not? After all...We own the night.
   

Songs From A Forgotten Highway

Somewhere in the Night

I walk through streets at night
Until I get outside my mind
Out of breath I never felt so blind
Trapped inside a life
I never wanted for myself
Scared to death I'm running out of time

When it rains and falls down all around you
Do you feel as lonely as I do

Finding  Cinderella is not so easy these days
When the shoe don't fit  
And you don't know where to go
I come home late at night
These same four walls condemn me
The thought of you still gives me hope


It keeps me hangin onto something I can't see
When my life turns and walks away without me


When I close my eyes 
Your still faceless and at other times
Just another same old disguise
Had too many days like these
I pray for the day
I touch your face with my open eyes

So when it rains let each drop remind you
I'll be searchin' til the moment that I find you

Somewhere in the night




A Simple Act of Kindness

I never used to talk until I started drinkin'
When I drank I talk too much
Spent half my life searching for a reason
To throw away that crutch
I bet you didn't know we talk about things
That I don't tell anyone else
It's as though through loving you
I found a way to love myself
So I sat down and wrote this for you
Just everyone could see
Why the most beautiful girl in town
Is more than beautiful to me
Because I used to look into the mirror you know
And I never liked what I'd see
Until the woman in you
Made me the man I wanted to be

Accidents Will Happen

If you could only read my mind
I'd hope this movie ends just right
Like all those drugstore novels seem to do

Fallen deep within myself
Searching for the fontanelle
I've seen too many things I could not tell you

In visions without alibis
I see you in velvet skies
In shapeless forms some moving some just there

In through out doors in my head
Mother nature wets the bed
Sometimes I wonder just how we got this far

Underneath the surface
Yesterday's emotions
Hover like ghosts behind my eyes

The picture is out of focus
Does anybody ever really notice
All the things we see but never realize

It's 4:30 in the morning
Downtown wide awake
Accidents will happen don't tell me it's too late

Intersections

In the morning I fall out of myself
I keep my head in a jar on the shelf
Skeleton hand bottle of gin
I don't feel right unless I'm out of my skin
Run to stand still at the same old stair
Reaching out for something that isn't there

I fall down I bruise too much
Give it all away and lose too much
Thieves are in this temple again
Emptiness is a creeping assassin
Cut yourself in the madding crowd
Don't ever let them hear you cry out loud

I feel it on my fingers it's just out of reach
I slowly feel the noose tighten round each
Outside my door is a hostile witness
They think it's not their fault if it's none of their business
Some people live while others pretend
I get so tired of only breathing in

All throughout these strangest days
In crowded intersections I walk lost highways 


Shallow Water

Why are you so negative does he spend all his time with his friends?
When he lied to your face did you just go along and pretend?

Do you lie awake at night reaching out for a love that's nothing but a ghost?
I heard he let you down I heard he left you when you needed him most

You ask who I am as I tell you these things that I do
I'm every man you stepped on just to get to the one that stepped on you

You could've been my everything or his nothing at all
When you walk through shallow water hey laugh when you fall

Your day's gonna come just like they always do
When you cry over me the way I cried over you 




Wrapped In You

Didn't I really try to make it happen?
Everybody knows that life ain't fair
If I'm the man you need then I'm not the one you want
No matter what I do you just don't see me there

Today I saw you at the station
I would've cried but I got nothing left
If all I think about is you loving somebody
Then I'm no good for anybody else

You'll move on and you'll forget about me
Me I hope that I can do the same
Someday in the month of may we'll pass on the street
I'll pretend I don't remember your name


I can't go on this way I'm dying on this road
I'm not angry but I'm letting go
You just don't want me there's nothing I can do
Who's gonna love me if I'm all wrapped up in you


New

Lately i've felt so out of touch
Twilight is gone my eyes are burning
I don't sleep cuz I think too much
All I know is that my feet are hurting

In my bed tossing and turning
Like a child restless but learning
Don't look back to me as your climbing
Today is the day I'm through with rewinding

Lately I've been thinkin about tomorrow
Everything that i've been living for
When your dreams become bigger than your memories
Yesterday don't matter anymore

As I stood inside the light of what I know as true
All the monsters in my life were nothing more than the avenue
Yesterday I was old
Today I never felt so new
 
   


    
 
 

Stranded

    It's quiet in this small town and though I dream of bigger things I always come back to the same point. Some people just don't know how to appreciate silence. There's many nights that I don't sleep at all I have so much in my head in any given time that I can't relax enough to sleep. This silence is golden to me it gives me the chance to let mind my go and free it from the clutter and ask all the questions of myself that I need to answer. Some people think people like me hide from society as a form of escapism. I think it's the other way around. Some people have to always party and have people around them. They are always talking about the weekend and what bar they are going to hang out at and post pictures on the internet to show everyone how cool they are and how happy they probably wish they could be. I see through them they don't fool me. They use to company of others to distract themselves so they don't have to deal with themselves. I'm not the one trying to escape. I've never been one for delusions. I tend to prefer reality because you can't change your reality  by living in a fantasy. Your not a billionaire rap star hitting the parties getting ready to fire up the Benz. People should stop trying to act that way because unless they do they'll always be a pretender because their energies are spent in the wrong places.
   The other day a female friend of mine asked me why I don't date more. She said I was a very loving person and had alot to give that it was a shame I didn't try harder than I do. This same friend tends to only date rich guys that don't really need her so she's always single. She asked me didn't I miss the affection and at least the hugging,kissing,cuddling etc. Well of course I do. I've been this way for so long I don't know how to be anything else. Last year I was dating a hot 22 year old for about 3 months and 2 of them were pretty good. She was nice enough but we had nothing in common.I actually met her on the internet. Too many things just didn't add up. She loved politics and I hate politics. She belonged to a party and I actually enjoy having my own thoughts. She talked about far off places that she'd never been too becoming cesspools. I'd actually been to those places and she argued with me about them anyway. She bashed minorities yet she grew up in an all white town that didn't have any minorities so she didn't really know anything about them. I thought since I was older I could convince her of some things and she'd come around. I tried changing the subject to other things but it was pointless. Towards the end I'd take her home early and go get drunk just thinking to myself I can't believe I shaved my balls for this bitch. You know they say that hair grows back thicker when you shave it. Now the next time I go to dick some girl she'll look down between her legs and see an elephant disguised as ZZ Top. Shortly after that I dated another girl that wanted me to join some cult church where people smoked weed and drank all the time. Hell I could do that at home.
   I wish I could explain to her how frustrating dating is for me. It's really just an endless circle of bullshit isn't it? All I ever here from women is how guys suck and there's no good guys left anymore. Maybe one day they'll see they are the ones with all the power to change that. Women don't date good guys because they don't really look for good guys. It's all about self esteem. You look at these guys that treat women like shit and they'll never be without a date. There will always be some girl with self esteem issues that'll date that guy because she believes that if she can change him that it will improve her own self worth. She can't date a man who's good to her because that won't help her prove anything to herself. Those guys treat those girls like shit because those girls allow it. If every woman in the world stopped putting up with that shit then men would change. But it's easier to blame someone else instead of looking in the mirror.  For every guy that treats them like shit that they fall all over themselves to get to there's a guy like me alone wishing he wasn't invisible. Wishing he could be your knight in shining armor but they'll never see it. If I'm invisible then why should I try? Do I become the thing I hate to keep from being alone and play the same bullshit game with the rest of the world? I choose instead to be myself....alone.
   I think Charles Bukowski said it best when he said," I don't hate people I just like it better when they are somewhere else." Maybe he didn't say it exactly that way but it was something like that. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be alone sometimes. I'm not really angry or depressed. It can be a very comforting thing. I do have friends and I do go out at times. I just hate being in crowded places. I was a bouncer when I was younger and frankly a bar full of drunk people usually didn't make it a full night without drama. I hate drama it's definitely not quiet. I have my own bullshit to deal with I don't need it from someone else over something stupid. I remember years ago I had a crush on a stripper in a club I worked in. She was this gorgeous Italian girl. She invited me to come to a dance club one night after work and even though I don't dance I went anyway because I thought I'd get to spend some time with her. She showed up late with some guy and I was stuck at the bar drunk. I was in a club with over a thousand people and might as well have been on a raft in the middle of the ocean. It would've been the same either way. On nights like this I love to write as well with no interruptions. Thinking about these things reminds of a chorus to a song I wrote years ago. It went something like,"All throughout these strangest of days in crowded intersections I walk lost highways." I couldn't sum it up any better than that.
  Sometimes I still feel like I'm on that raft in the middle of the ocean but tonight I'm on an island. I know that sea is still raging and will continue to rage. Tomorrow I'll ride the waves and fight the monsters but tonight there's a calmness here. There's a calmness and quiet in my mind if only for a little while. Some will never understand me and that's ok. Some may think my writings don't make any sense and that's ok too at the end when all the brush strokes are done maybe they'll get the big picture. Tonight however I'm happy. Tonight I'll sleep.

The Men Down The Road

   Two years later after her death my life was a mess. I was working a crappy job in a factory during the week and as a bouncer on weekends. I was back writing lyrics and poems to try to clear my head but it never lasted. I was also taking prozac and I didn't notice a difference but the people around me said they did so I kept taking it. Long after that last dream and the phone calls stopped even though I knew what happened the analytical side of me still needed validation. It was almost a type of denial. The dreams and the phone calls weren't the only thing that happened there were seemingly unrelated things as well.
   It seemed like I felt things that made the hair on my arms stand up. I blew it off to watching too many scary movies and freaking myself out like a moron. One night I had been out drinking but not too much. I was staying out in the suburbs in this subdivision. I was driving this Chevy Corsica that was on it's last legs pulling into the circle. I got to the end of the small road before I turned left to drive around my car went dead. I was on a small hill putting it in neutral while trying to steer with the door open and one foot sticking out trying to push this car. It was not working out at all I just couldn't get up the hill. Then I felt this bright light behind me and turned to look. This black car came out of nowhere I mean it's a small road you can see lights for a couple miles it was 2 am in the morning pitch dark. It was as if these people had been driving with the lights off and turned them on when they got behind me. The light was really bright but I saw these two guys walking towards me both taller than me and kind of thin. They were both wearing caps but even when they got close I couldn't tell what either one looked like. One asked if I was having car trouble and I said yes it wouldn't crank at all and I can't get over this hill. I still couldn't get over them standing right there but not being able to see any facial features a cap doesn't give that much shadow it was just weird. They asked if I lived around there and I said yes I'm just around the circle over there and pointed to my house. They told me to get in and steer and they would both just push me home. It seemed pretty damned generous I mean it was like a quarter of a mile and I asked if they were sure and the guy said yes the other one never spoke. They didn't even turn their car off the lights or anything they just left it all running and I got in the car and they began to push. They pushed me right up to the front door and I got out of the car right by the porch light but still couldn't see their faces looking directly at them. I looked down the road at an angle and could still see that care down there running with the lights on bright. I'm sure the neighbors were going to be pissed. I thanked them for helping me and offered them something to drink but they said they had to go. I watched them as they walked down the driveway towards the mailbox while I got my keys. I looked down for just a split second to put the key in the door and looked back but they were gone they never made it to the end of the driveway just gone. I looked down the road and the car was gone. They couldn't have made it to the car that quick it should've taken at least 2 or 3 minutes not a half second. Even if they could it still didn't make logical sense who just happens to be on the same road at 2 am for no apparent reason. Obviously they didn't live around there because they were gone. With the phone calls and this I had to get to the bottom of it either this was some type of phenomenon or I was going crazy and needed help.
    I didn't sleep at all that night I sat up thinking about everything until it was time for the bookstore to open. I got there looking on the shelves for something about paranormal science. I didn't want some book about a ghost story I needed something that would give me some answers. I saw a book called The Encyclopedia of Ghosts and Spirits by Rosemary Ellen Guilley. It had all that stuff in there about Amityville and all that but it had a definition section too. It was a very thick book so I bought it instead of just loitering taking hours to find the thing, I hate it when people do that it's kind of like stealing to me. I took it home and started pouring through it. The closest thing I could find about the latest incident was an old folk tale about the grateful dead(no not the band). The story is part of many cultures but the basic premise is a traveler happens up on a corpse presumably because the person's family could not pay for the burial. The traveler pays for the proper burial then sometime in the future when the person is in need the spirit comes back in some form and helps them. I never saw a corpse or paid for a funeral so it didn't really fit to me but whatever they were they weren't human the way we know humans to be. No one can disappear like that car and all into thin air. Then again maybe they served another purpose. Their appearance got me to digging. I never found out what really happened with them but I found something else in that book. A phenomenon called phone calls from the dead. Right there in print it documented instances all over the world of the dead calling people for up to two years after their death and the connection being bad and in audible. Yes it actually said two years right there in the print. I had thought it quietly to myself not allowing myself to believe it but now seeing it right there in print documented in other places sent a euphoria over me. We couldn't all be crazy. What was she trying to tell me? Was she trying to tell me it was alright and then finally done it in a dream? Did my dream close the door on something? Why did this happen and is there a greater truth that I could learn from it because there had to be something more to it. In a way I was happy but in another way I was more confused than ever. I started to think negative thoughts again. I was never a really happy person I never liked myself very much didn't think I was strong enough on the inside. I doubted myself all the time. If our bond was this tight what if she was meant to be the one for me and now she was dead. Would I have to spend the rest of my life alone? Dying alone was always my biggest fear. I couldn't really tell if I was unhappy because I felt so alone or if I was alone because I was always so unhappy. I hoped someday I would find the answer to why this was happening but until then I decided I was going to fight for my sanity. If I couldn't have the woman I wanted at least I could be the man I wanted to be. I went to the medicine cabinet and got my prozac and threw it in the garbage.

Hell, Heaven, and Earth In A Week Part 3:The Conclusion

   I'm not even sure what time I woke up I think it was around 11 am. It  was friday morning and that damn sun was bright. Wayne was up and already dressed so I had to hurry up and do the same. I was starving I'd driven all the way down to Pensacola from Athens,AL and forgot to eat. I didn't eat last night either when I was drinking all that crap. I like white russians but they start to taste too sweet after awhile. They can make you sick if you aren't careful. Wayne had gotten this blingin Lincoln SUV from that rental place and I wasn't going to have to drive anywhere down there. I always hate driving when I don't know where shit is I feel like an idiot. Plus since I'm not concentrating on the road I can spend that time pointing at other people and saying things like,"look at that idiot they must not know where shit is down here."
   Stepping out onto the third floor I could see the ocean. It was beautiful I never get tired of looking at it. I was going to have to walk across the road and take a walk on the beach while the sun was still out. There's just something about the ocean that made me feel at peace. A deep peace not one of those shallow ones I swear the view made the whole drive worthwhile I could party at home. Well, then again I couldn't right now because everything was destroyed and what wasn't destroyed didn't have any power anyway.

           Photo taken by me from the back of The Docks bar during the daytime while drinking some Bushwhackers

    We hopped in the Lincoln and headed to some place pretty much looked like a school lunch line. The setup looked bad but the food was supposedly really good. I know I got a couple sausage biscuits and some hash browns. Think I got some eggs too. The point is I ate alot and went back for seconds I was really hungry. I got to talking to Wayne to figure out the plan. Wayne always had a plan he had more game than game. He wasn't going to be down there just to sit in a hotel room he was there to do some damage. That was right up my alley.  He said he was thinking about heading over to Perdido Key he had a friend there that had been asking him to come to the grand opening of their bar. Apparently they were opening a bar across the road from Florabama. I'd never been to Florabama either and it was kind of famous. They had this thing there every year called "The Mullet Toss." Apparently a mullet is a fish and Florabama is right on the state line between Alabama and Florida. People take these fish and stand on one side of that line and see how far they can throw it into the next state and the winner gets something. Other than the satisfaction of being the most redneck mother fucker in two states I don't know what that something would be but I was pretty sure I was going to enter that contest one of these days just for the hell of it.
    We finished eating and went over to the boardwalk and walked around. We didn't care anything about going into any of the bars we just wanted to look at all the half naked women hanging out. Sometimes they were hanging out literally which was more of a plus. We left there to take something to his daughter who goes to college down there then headed back for the hotel. It had been pretty hot outside and I was still feeling a little tired so I laid the seat all the way back and just closed my eyes for a moment as we drove down the highway. That's when I started to feel it and a sense of doom came over my body. It had been awhile since I felt it but I recognized it. There was no use fighting it I was on the edge of something epic and it was going too happen.
   I smiled and opened my eyes and looked over at Wayne and calmly said,"Hey Wayne I'm about to blow chunks big time." He replied,"Are you fucking serious?" I smiled and turned my head to the right and leaned over and opened the door. I could here him in some kind of panic but wasn't paying too much attention. I blew like a volcano it was as epic as I thought it would be and more. Hit part of the door frame though which I was trying to avoid. The best part of it all was that we were in the left lane. Yes that's right folks blowing chunks into traffic on a friday morning on the highway at about 60mph. I could here the horns blowing and people cursing. It was hard to vomit and laugh at the same time but I was going for it. Wayne was struggling to change lanes. Later someone one ask me if I hit any cars to which I fondly replied,"My friend, I hit many many cars." I didn't know any of these people fuck them I was aiming for grills. I fucked up more grills than Mike Tyson all the while thinking how good those hash browns tasted coming up too. I got to enjoy breakfast twice and the second time was free. You gotta love a good deal.
   Eventually Wayne got the lanes changed and the eruption stopped. He made the brilliant observation that my head was stronger than my arms because I blew right through my fingers. I was a mess and the SUV was going to need a washing. He found a gas station with an outdoor bathroom and I cleaned as best I could first the SUV with handi-wipes then myself in the bathroom. I wasn't actually clean but I was functional to walk around. Next we found a car wash down the road and sent the SUV through immediately. Of course I paid for it I mean if you do the crime you do the time right? Plus playing Spy Hunter on the highway with my mouth was worth paying the $30. Then we went back to the hotel the lady downstairs that washed all the bedsheets and stuff would wash your clothes too if you tipped her well so I changed clothes and took mine down. Then worked on my laptop for a few while they got done. Wayne said screw it and took a nap.

Spy Hunter by Sunsoft

was kinda like this cept in a car and it was me

   While Wayne was out I walked across the road to the beach. It was packed there was something big going on there that weekend but I wasn't sure what it was I noticed Sandshakers was already packed when I came out of the hotel. I managed to find a spot though that didn't have that many people. I took my shoes off and let the sand get between my toes and picked it up with my hands. I felt a cool breeze come up out of nowhere and smiled. I felt really good and relaxed. I'd been stressed out for awhile and I always felt better coming down here or even going to the lake for that matter. I just sat there in the sand for a little while. Then the phone rang it was Wayne his friend Steve had called again and we were going to head over to Perdido Key for that bar opening. I headed over there and my pants were done so I grabbed those and paid the lady and off we went.

How could you not love being in this place it's heaven on earth

    We got lost a few times but we had plenty of time it was still pretty early it was only around 4 pm. As we pulled into Perdido Key we started looking for Florabama because Steve said this place was across the road from it. Must have been on a small peninsula because both sides of the road had an ocean view.  I kept looking at the condos as we drove passed. This area was the best I quietly promised myself someday I'm going to have one off those condos. I was going to have my peace away from all the drama I had to deal with in my life and all the shit back home.

Check out those condos on the beach

    

    We found Florabama and sure enough Happy Harbor was across the road kind of off in some gravel. We found a parking spot and walked over. Wayne recognized Steve's girlfriend and introduced me. A very pretty lady and seemed really nice. She was outside with two other badass girls selling crawfish plates.  Wayne had never had crawfish before but I'd ate it over a Shrevport a few years earlier and I liked it as long as it was spicy. I'm all about the spicy stuff. The girls got him to try one and he couldn't admit he liked it because it was looking at him. You wouldn't believe this plate you got for 10 bucks. You got this whole thing full of fresh crawfish( they were boiling them alive literally right beside us they were that fresh). You also got the corn cooked in the crab boil and this huge ass connecuh sausage. I got a plate and since I was friends with Wayne they gave it to me for free. I told ya the man has cred. About that time Steve pulled up. I'd heard about Steve and what a great guy he was Steve was a WWE wrestler he did the house shows. Wrestled in Japan and all that stuff. He gets out of this convertible with his hair in a ponytail and no shirt wearing a surrong and flip flops. Yes you read that right he was wearing a surrong. He was also about 6'5 and was pretty much built like a WWE wrestler with no bodyfat.  Pretty intimidating dude I mean I'm not a small guy but he made me look like Tatu off fantasy island. Wayne was right though he was a really cool guy couldn't have been a nicer dude. He gave us a tour of the bar man it was kick ass. There was a dock on back where people just pulled up in boats and came in there were girls sitting up and the bar drinking wearing two piece thongs. If i hadn't already thought I was in heaven I would have thought it now. Shit when I die I want to go to this place. We sat around and I picked Steve's brain a little bit I used to watch wrestling and had to ask about some of my favorites wonder who was really a dickhead and who wasn't. I was happy learn Steve Austin was just a down to earth good ol boy from Texas. I used to love to watch that guy I want to slam a beer and whoop somebody's ass just thinking about it. Since it was just across the road we walked over to Florabama it cost $10 to get in and the beer was way overpriced. We walked through it with Steve and it was cool. Still had a bunch of half naked women and a band playing on every floor. It was ok but I actually think I liked Happy Harbor better I enjoyed the more laid back vibe there. We walked back over there. Steve wanted to party but we couldn't drive back to Pensacola drunk so we were looking for a hotel in the area so we could just stay there. Steve had told us if he knew ahead of time he could've got us one of those condos for free but this was a spur of the moment thing. Wayne said he was up for it but I have a feeling Steve knew better. We were going to go to the hotel in Pensacola and get our stuff and come back. That was the plan until we got back to the SUV. There I found out what Steve already figured. We weren't coming back it was too far to drive and there wasn't a hotel close enough.

    We hadn't seen Janelle over at the Docks anyway and I'd hate to be down there and not see how she was doing. we got her a plate to go and went over there when we got back to the hotel. I honestly don't know how the Docks stays open there's hardly ever anyone in there. I chose not to drink that night I just wasn't in the mood for it after playing Spy Hunter on the highway but I think I may have had one or two bushwhackers. There were a few of the regulars in there it bothered me because they were smoking but the restaurant was open air so it wasn't as bad as Sandshakers where you just had to breath it. I think we left around 1 am and walked over to the hotel it was a pretty eventful day.
    The next morning Wayne's power was on back in Hartselle so I wouldn't get to stay the weekend I hated to leave but that was my free room so I didn't have much of a choice. He was going to go to Columbus,GA for a night but I wasn't feeling it. We followed each other on the interstate then separated at Montgomery when I kept going north. The drive back was pretty uneventful I mostly listened to the cd player it was dead in the middle of the day and I tend to think better at night. I had alot of things on my plate with upcoming seminars and other opportunities. I felt like I had the means to get where I needed and now I had a goal set. I was going to have one of those condos. Not because of the status but because of the location and the peace of mind with all those great people. They had what they wanted they didn't have to prove shit to anybody. This gave me my direction.
     I wondered what I was driving into back home the storms did alot of damage. Would there still be the carnage I left? I made it home about about 6 hours on the road and stopped by my parents first. Things seemed to be getting back to normal I called and found out the WiFi was back on at the apartment so I went over there. I think I just sat around watching the news on saturday and sunday. I saw where President Obama came down and toured the disaster areas. FEMA had set up a location in town and people weren't fighting for gas as bad. I just felt like I was on the verge of something and I still have that feeling like something is just barely out of my reach. I saw on the internet where Knuckleheads over in huntsville was open on the patio only. I have no idea how because that whole county was still out of power from when the nuclear plant took a direct hit. They said they had wings too. I thought about going the Sunday but said screw it and just sat around and thought a little more. The next day I saw the same thing on facebook and I was tired of sitting so I got in the car and took off. On the way I past by the church I went to as a child it was the church where I was baptized. It was a pile of planks completely wiped off the face of the earth there was nothing left everything was destroyed. As I got into Madison police were still out directing traffic because the lights still didn't work.
If nothing worked how the hell was this place open? I got there and I could see people on the patio drinking. I walked inside and it was nothing but darkness they didn't have power at all. However what they did have was alot of ice and cold beer in it. Somehow they were making wings and fries but not sure how they were doing it. Cold beer is cold beer and that was good enough for me. Life gave them lemons and they made lemonade. They had something they wanted to do bad enough and they came up with a way to do it. They had a patio full of people and only one waitress. Stefanie came in to work on her birthday. Working on your birthday sucks but when you want to make money a night with no competition is good too. It was a beautiful monday as I looked out over the highway finally coming back down to earth. I picked up that cold beer and took a sip as I laid back in my seat. Then I knew everything was going to be alright.

Charity's Song

     I like to lay in bed at night and think. It's quiet and there's nobody around. There's no one to try and rip me off. There's no one expecting me to do this thing or that other thing. I don't have to be anything I just have to be.I stare at the computer screen sometimes wanting to write but I have so many thoughts in my head. Sometimes I write and sometimes I can't do anything. It's like when I go out somewhere social like a bar sometimes I talk too much and sometimes I sit there quietly, quiet as a ghost. It always made it hard to sleep so I tried to drink alot of liquor hoping it would help. Sometimes it did and others it didn't. I'd like to get it all out of my head but worry it just won't make sense because it's so confusing. Then again, sometimes confusion makes the most sense of all.
    I like to think about my friend Charity. I met her when I was a junior in high school we had gym class together. I mostly just played basketball badly never really noticed anybody until one day this girl came up to me and told me that her friend "liked" me. It was kind of odd to me because honestly when I was in high school nobody liked me. I think I may have had 2 girlfriends the entire time I was even in high school though one was for several years. I had poor social skills and low self confidence. At first I thought it may have been a cruel trick that kids often play. They would go to a kid the others thought was ugly(like me) and tell them someone liked them as a joke. Then they could use that to embarrass their friend and just make fun of you.  After all you were ugly and why would anyone like you(least that's what you were told by your peers)? This happened to me a few times so I was used to it. I saw Charity and she was very pretty. There was a girl on TV at the time named Cassidy Rae and this girl looked just like her. I went over there and spoke with her and she was really flirty and seemed like she was into me. So obviously something was wrong somewhere. I spoke to my buddy Jarrod and he asked me to wait until he checked on something for me about it.
   I told Charity bye and got changed out and went to typing class. Typing class was a lame course to get a credit nobody cared about typing. Fuck typing I flunked the second semester. Jarrod had the seat behind me so I quickly asked him for the lowdown. Sure enough! Charity was only 13 years old. My heart just sank I mean 17 and 13 is extremely inappropriate and can never happen. Now 34 and 30 or even 24 and 20 doesn't seem so bad but 17 and 13 just ain't going to happen. I sat there the whole class thinking about how I could tell her without hurting her feelings. Of course I wasn't listening in typing class because fuck typing. It was a real slap in the face because I was so lonely and felt so bad all the time I needed someone but it couldn't be her. I told her in the hall during last period and she was still upset that I couldn't be her boyfriend but I told her we could still be friends and stuff but that's all it was going to be because I was too old and that just wasn't right.
   As time went by I'd always talk to her and give her a hug in the hall. She'd take to writing me notes every now and then and I'd have to remind her that I was too old for her. I know one time she was really bummed about it and I gave her my phone number to make her feel better. I just didn't want her to think it was because I didn't like her or that something was wrong with her. I was just too old for her and that was all it was to it. She'd call once a week just to talk about stuff. Just regular teenage girl stuff like some girl said this and the other one did that and they were all bitches. Most were bitches by the way I'll testify to that one. I have to admit I enjoyed talking to her and looked forward to her calling. No matter what I had going on I'd always talk to her for a little bit. She stopped trying to flirt with me and we just became friends. It was really nice because there was a huge class system at my school as there is in most. If you didn't have a certain last name you were doomed to ridicule by the ones who had it and the people that licked their asses. I didn't have one of those names and I never licked ass. My food was tampered with at one point. My tires were slit a couple times. I was attacked before football practice once and they tried to pull my pants down but I fought them off and slung them all over the place until they gave up. This was a normal day at this school for the awkward kids. Charity always made it better because she liked me regardless.
   We stayed friends through my senior year keeping in touch like always then I graduated. Her family was originally from Hilton Head,SC and one day she told me they were moving there. I was pretty sad about it and told her I miss her even though I never saw her out of school. She promised she's stay in touch. I was 18 and she was about to turn 15. I'm not going to lie in the back of my mind I always thought 22 and 18 wasn't too bad of an age difference either.
   She kept her word we still talked on the phone twice a week and I even got to know the rest of her family her older brothers and her parents talking to them on the phone as well a little bit each time I'd call. She'd send me two or three handwritten letters a month. We talked alot but she just enjoyed writing them and I enjoyed reading them. I was dating a real bitch that worked at Kmart and by this time I was the one telling her about how this girl done this and the other one did that and how they were all bitches. She reminded me that she used to be on the other end of that conversation and we got a kick out of it. We'd talk for hours sometimes just catching up with how the other was doing. Then the phone bills got to be a little high. I remember she was 16 and her parents told her that we needed to keep our calls after 10pm when the rates were cheaper. Then again I couldn't call up there because ome of them went to bed at 9pm and Charity didn't want to wake them up.I was 20 and still living at home working crap jobs but I had a phone in my room. So every a little after 10 pm the phone would ring 2 times and that was all on every tuesday and thursday. That was the signal that she was by the phone and I could call her back so she could pick up on the first ring and not wake anyone. I was working I could pay my phone bill anyway.
    Over the next two years the conversations were further apart she was old enough to drive and instead of talking about what some girl said in the hall it was more about parties an that type of thing so there wasn't that much talking on weekends but when she did stay home on a friday or saturday sometimes we'd talk til 2 am and I still got a letter or 2 a month. As she got older and I did too  other things got in the way and we didn't talk as much but we still talked when we could. She kept saying her parents were talking about moving back to the area which was really exciting because we could see each other. Then the calls just stopped. for about 2 months. They were kind of dwindling down anyway. I was busy working somewhere else and didn't think much of it she was a pretty girl probably going out alot and I was happy for her she was 18 and was probably having a great senior year.
    One day I had just got done looking for an apartment and my mother came into the living room. She asked me was I still getting letters from that girl that had always sent them. I told her I hadn't got one in awhile and I asked her why? That's when she told me Charity and her family had moved back to Alabama and were living up in the Elkmont area. I hadn't heard anything about that and thought it was odd that my mom knew I mean she didn't even know the family. Charity had been at a party in Elkmont a week before. They were huffing gas using butane. She had a brain seizure and had to go to the hospital she was in a coma. She laid there on life support for a day or so but she couldn't be saved and her family pulled the plug. She died shortly after and had buried her in Centerstar the day before my mom told me. I walked into my room and cried for about an hour. I didn't even get to see her.
   I took a couple days to pull myself together and decided I had to go to the grave site. I was really nervous about it and stopped on the way to see my grandmother. I visited with her until I could get my nerve up and told her about everything. I tried to get her to come with me but she had a bunch of dogs and didn't want to leave them there by themselves.
   When I got to the church it was kind of hidden but I found it. It was the second gravesite on the left as you go in the gate. They hadn't gotten the headstone in yet it was just a marker in the ground but the flowers on the grave were still fresh from the funeral. I got down on my knees and just sit there. I don't even know how long I was there I cried just a little more and said how sorry I was and told her how I didn't know and really wished I could've seen her. Then remember saying I didn't want to leave but I had to go. I sat in my car for awhile before I pulled out of the parking lot and just went home. Not saying goodbye was bad but not knowing if she knew how much I cared for her haunted me even worse. That next tuesday night the phone rang just after 10 pm. I didn't think anything about it then thursday it did it again at the same time. Just two rings then no more just like we always did. Sometimes I'd answer the phone and hear nothing. Other times I'd answer it and hear a muffled voice but couldn't understand anything it wasn't audible. I'd have these vivid dreams about her. In some we were back in high school and in others we were married we had two children Michael and Ashley. They always looked the same in the dreams. She was always on the other side of the room in the dream and I was walking towards her but I'd wake up before I got to her I could never touch her. I always felt uneasy when I woke up and sometimes I'd be afraid to dream and I'd go out and get drunk thinking it would dull everything but even drunk every tuesday and thursday night that phone would ring after 10 pm.
     This went on for right around two years. I'd have these dreams where I couldn't touch her and the phone kept ringing every tuesday and thursday night after 10 pm when I was in the room. I'd stopped trying to answer it. Then I had another dream but this one was different. In the dream I was in my room at my parents house which is the actual room I was asleep in. In the dream it was during the day and the window above the bed was open there was a nice cool summer breeze blowing through it and it felt good on my skin and I could smell the grass. Charity was laying on the bed wearing this white shirt and denim skirt she used to always wear and she patted the bed beside her but didn't say anything she just smiled. This time I laid down beside her and put my arms around her and hugged her tightly. She felt warm and I could feel her heart beat against my chest. Her skin smelled like vanilla from the body lotion she used to wear at school. I finally got to her. I sat up on the bed. I said,"I'm so sorry I missed you I didn't know you were back nobody told me I would've been there for you I love you so much."She didn't say anything at first she just reached out with her right hand and touched the side of my face and smiled. Then she said,"I know hon I've always known, it's ok but you know I have to go now?" Just as she told me she loved me I felt the wind outside the window get stronger and her body turned to sand slowly blowing away like a sand castle out the window disappearing in the wind. I woke up after that but this time I wasn't upset. I actually felt peaceful almost happy. I got up and walked over to the dresser and got out her letters and spent the morning reading through them. That tuesday night the phone didn't ring. It never rang again. She knew and I know she knew. It's been 17 years and I still have every letter. Some may think I'm crazy but I know that I'm not. Sometimes when I'm at the beach walking in the sand and I'll feel a breeze out of nowhere and it always makes me smile.