Two years later after her death my life was a mess. I was working a crappy job in a factory during the week and as a bouncer on weekends. I was back writing lyrics and poems to try to clear my head but it never lasted. I was also taking prozac and I didn't notice a difference but the people around me said they did so I kept taking it. Long after that last dream and the phone calls stopped even though I knew what happened the analytical side of me still needed validation. It was almost a type of denial. The dreams and the phone calls weren't the only thing that happened there were seemingly unrelated things as well.
It seemed like I felt things that made the hair on my arms stand up. I blew it off to watching too many scary movies and freaking myself out like a moron. One night I had been out drinking but not too much. I was staying out in the suburbs in this subdivision. I was driving this Chevy Corsica that was on it's last legs pulling into the circle. I got to the end of the small road before I turned left to drive around my car went dead. I was on a small hill putting it in neutral while trying to steer with the door open and one foot sticking out trying to push this car. It was not working out at all I just couldn't get up the hill. Then I felt this bright light behind me and turned to look. This black car came out of nowhere I mean it's a small road you can see lights for a couple miles it was 2 am in the morning pitch dark. It was as if these people had been driving with the lights off and turned them on when they got behind me. The light was really bright but I saw these two guys walking towards me both taller than me and kind of thin. They were both wearing caps but even when they got close I couldn't tell what either one looked like. One asked if I was having car trouble and I said yes it wouldn't crank at all and I can't get over this hill. I still couldn't get over them standing right there but not being able to see any facial features a cap doesn't give that much shadow it was just weird. They asked if I lived around there and I said yes I'm just around the circle over there and pointed to my house. They told me to get in and steer and they would both just push me home. It seemed pretty damned generous I mean it was like a quarter of a mile and I asked if they were sure and the guy said yes the other one never spoke. They didn't even turn their car off the lights or anything they just left it all running and I got in the car and they began to push. They pushed me right up to the front door and I got out of the car right by the porch light but still couldn't see their faces looking directly at them. I looked down the road at an angle and could still see that care down there running with the lights on bright. I'm sure the neighbors were going to be pissed. I thanked them for helping me and offered them something to drink but they said they had to go. I watched them as they walked down the driveway towards the mailbox while I got my keys. I looked down for just a split second to put the key in the door and looked back but they were gone they never made it to the end of the driveway just gone. I looked down the road and the car was gone. They couldn't have made it to the car that quick it should've taken at least 2 or 3 minutes not a half second. Even if they could it still didn't make logical sense who just happens to be on the same road at 2 am for no apparent reason. Obviously they didn't live around there because they were gone. With the phone calls and this I had to get to the bottom of it either this was some type of phenomenon or I was going crazy and needed help.
I didn't sleep at all that night I sat up thinking about everything until it was time for the bookstore to open. I got there looking on the shelves for something about paranormal science. I didn't want some book about a ghost story I needed something that would give me some answers. I saw a book called The Encyclopedia of Ghosts and Spirits by Rosemary Ellen Guilley. It had all that stuff in there about Amityville and all that but it had a definition section too. It was a very thick book so I bought it instead of just loitering taking hours to find the thing, I hate it when people do that it's kind of like stealing to me. I took it home and started pouring through it. The closest thing I could find about the latest incident was an old folk tale about the grateful dead(no not the band). The story is part of many cultures but the basic premise is a traveler happens up on a corpse presumably because the person's family could not pay for the burial. The traveler pays for the proper burial then sometime in the future when the person is in need the spirit comes back in some form and helps them. I never saw a corpse or paid for a funeral so it didn't really fit to me but whatever they were they weren't human the way we know humans to be. No one can disappear like that car and all into thin air. Then again maybe they served another purpose. Their appearance got me to digging. I never found out what really happened with them but I found something else in that book. A phenomenon called phone calls from the dead. Right there in print it documented instances all over the world of the dead calling people for up to two years after their death and the connection being bad and in audible. Yes it actually said two years right there in the print. I had thought it quietly to myself not allowing myself to believe it but now seeing it right there in print documented in other places sent a euphoria over me. We couldn't all be crazy. What was she trying to tell me? Was she trying to tell me it was alright and then finally done it in a dream? Did my dream close the door on something? Why did this happen and is there a greater truth that I could learn from it because there had to be something more to it. In a way I was happy but in another way I was more confused than ever. I started to think negative thoughts again. I was never a really happy person I never liked myself very much didn't think I was strong enough on the inside. I doubted myself all the time. If our bond was this tight what if she was meant to be the one for me and now she was dead. Would I have to spend the rest of my life alone? Dying alone was always my biggest fear. I couldn't really tell if I was unhappy because I felt so alone or if I was alone because I was always so unhappy. I hoped someday I would find the answer to why this was happening but until then I decided I was going to fight for my sanity. If I couldn't have the woman I wanted at least I could be the man I wanted to be. I went to the medicine cabinet and got my prozac and threw it in the garbage.
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